With Christian Sexologist, Brittany Broaddus-Smith, an international Christian Sexologist, licensed social worker, sexuality educator, trainer, and speaker whose work bridges the science and Scripture of human sexuality.

🌟 About Coach’s Compass
Coach’s Compass is Ark’s monthly Q&A series with Christian Dating Coaches. Each edition features real questions from singles navigating the ups and downs of modern dating — and practical, faith-centered advice from coaches who get it.

"I'm a Christian woman in my 30s, and I'm trying to honor God while dating. But sometimes I feel like the church expects me to pretend I don't have sexual desires. Is it wrong to want sex before marriage?"

— Anonymous, Dallas, TX

Brittany's Answer: This is a very real feeling, so here’s the TL;DR: No, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex before marriage. On the 6th day, God didn’t create robots. He created humans with emotions, senses, and hormones. The question you must answer is: what will you do with those desires?

Let’s see what the Word says.

God designed you intentionally and delighted in His creation, calling it “very good” (Genesis 1:31). So when you rejoice in being fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that includes your whole body, your desires, and how your body responds (hint: arousal doesn’t equal sin). Too often, even the most well-meaning Christian spaces can spiritually bypass natural human experiences, which isn’t actually helpful. As a sexologist, I can assure you shame doesn’t make desire disappear. Instead, shame leads to hiding and hidden desires are far more likely to become sin. God is big enough to hold every struggle, yearning, and desire, and love us still!

Now, here’s the good news. As you are being conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29), you are called to steward your desires and behaviors well. Honoring your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19) means being mindful of what you participate in and consume. It does not mean pretending bodies don’t do what bodies do as a faux sign of piety. Frankly speaking, holiness and horniness are not oxymorons. Your commitment to wait until marriage still matters though, and it gets easier when you admit your struggles. His strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Yes, “the struggle is real” (& normal), but His Word is true and His grace is sufficient!

Practical ways to steward desire well:

Study the Word & pray without ceasing to guard your spirit
Examine what your desires could be pointing to. Touch, closeness, or being seen are needs that can be met in other ways.
Build accountability and community to fortify your heart and combat loneliness.
Explore hobbies and non-sexual pleasures that align with your values, bring you joy, and keep you out of trouble.

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