With Christian Sexologist, Brittany Broaddus-Smith, an international Christian Sexologist, licensed social worker, sexuality educator, trainer, and speaker whose work bridges the science and Scripture of human sexuality.
🌟 About Coach’s Compass
Coach’s Compass is Ark’s monthly Q&A series with Christian Dating Coaches. Each edition features real questions from singles navigating the ups and downs of modern dating — and practical, faith-centered advice from coaches who get it.
"My boyfriend and I are trying to honor God, but sometimes it's hard to know where the line is physically. Everyone seems to have a different opinion. What's your advice?"
— Doing My Best
Brittany's Answer: "Dear Doing My Best,
Hey, so I want you to be comforted with the fact that this is a very common question.
But when it comes to being a Christian and the freedoms that we have, that does not mean abandoning what you value in pursuit of what you believe to be lacking, right? Because that's really what the struggle is.
We're trying to hold on, but it makes us feel like we're missing out on something. That's not really the truth, is it? Because the blessings of the Lord make rich and add no sorrow.
Freedom means being unburdened by the weight of choices and behaviors that, if we're honest, we know don't really serve us—or the One we serve. But sometimes that gets a little bit difficult.
When we talk about where the line is, so much of what society encourages is trying to figure out how far we can go—doing what feels good. That doesn't really align with the fruit of the Spirit, especially self-control.
Freedom in Christ is knowing that both our limits and our possibilities were gifted to us by a generous and loving God.
When you look for a line and find yourself getting right up to it, eventually there are going to be circumstances where you want to move the goalpost so that you can stay on the other side.
I have found that individuals and couples who struggle with maintaining appropriate boundaries related to physical interactions while single often lack non-sexual sources of pleasure.
So if you and your boyfriend are struggling to figure out where the line is, I would seek out non-physical experiences that you can begin to share together—things that help you build intimacy, draw closer in connection, and still have fun.
Particularly if y'all are pursuing marriage eventually, that really benefits you in the future because then your marriage, your relationship, and your expressions of love won't be limited to just physical experiences.
I hope that helps."
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